Metaphor
by Fate4Destiny
Summary: Near x reader. A collection of small incidents over popular sayings and metaphors.


Prompt: 2/64 - metaphor (which I didn't really use... More like common phrases).

Fandom: Death Note

Pairing: Near x reader

A/N: ever notice in stories, geniuses have no grip on social normality. Top of my head examples: Star trek (spock and data), Big Bang theory (okay, like, all of them, Sheldon the most), Death Note (L, N, etc)... Catch my drift?

A/N: anyways, I hope you enjoy and have a few laughs.

~XxX~

The motive Near gave you managed to fit perfectly to the case you two were working on.

"You're a genius!"

Near gave you a dull look, his hands pausing from swooping around with toy planes.

"Didn't you already know that?"

~XxX~

"This will be a peace of cake."

The case hardly lasted more than an hour on your desk before you sent the results to INTERPOL. You then spun around on your chair to see Near looking at you. His eyes were deep in thought.

"There is only a 2% chance this relates to cake. Unless we are referring to L, in which it increases to 3%."

~XxX~

"There's like a 50% chance of either. So let's just increase security at both museums..."

You glanced sideways at Near slowly, who was staring at you with the extent of what passed on him as disbelief.

"I already told you, it was a 48% to 52% chance."

"Close enough."

"Two percent chance is not close. It could be 0% and 2%, or 98% and 100%. Absolutely nothing or absolutely everything."

"Well what's your solution?"

Exasperation was evident in your voice as Near glanced back at his toys.

"Increase security at both museums."

~XxX~

"He's a bloody hard one to catch. But I'm sure you'll get him." The British accent was thick and you smiled.

"Well, thanks for the info. I owe you one."

"Take your time paying me back, love. Cheerio."

The man on the screen nodded and it turned black. You then typed in a new name into the database. Near followed your lead and you two managed to pull up security camera footage of a man in a train station.

"Your informant is wrong."

"What?! My informant just practically solved this case for us!"

"The man isn't bloody at all. He appears to be uninjured."

"Remind me never to leave you in Britain alone."

~XxX~

You zoomed in on the face of a man, running it through face recognition programs. Near sat down at your side as you mussed.

"He looks like he saw a ghost."

Near pointed to the screen, near a puddle.

"The reflection."

With some alteration programs you managed to pull a picture of a women from the reflection.

"It's a person."

"Exactly."

You raised an eyebrow at Near.

"Was that sarcasm? Unbelievable."

"No. It's a person. You said it was a ghost. And it's 0.3% believable."

~XxX~

"He has guts."

"No, he doesn't."

You merely made an exaggerated motion at the screen where a person was driving off of a cliff to escape a police chase. Suspect number one of a recent case.

"Near, look at that. Do you see that?!"

"I do. But they had their organs removed during their autopsy."

"You mean they died?"

"Yes. It's on the file."

"... Way to ruin the video..."

~XxX~

Both you and Near stared blankly for what felt like hours. And the worst part was, it had been. Eventually you darted at the keyboard and Near towards a file folder as the video screen showed the man hiding a gun.

"That's the missing link..."

You mumbled it mostly to yourself but Near heard you.

"How is it missing? We just found it."

~XxX~

"There's some food for thought."

You slipped off your sunglasses to see a man walking out of a building.

"As much as humans contain nutritions which would help brain function, cannibalism is against most laws."

You groaned to yourself as you motioned at the building. A nuclear weapon facility.

"I meant the nuclear weapons. It might prove important to the investi-"

"I doubt that would let you do much thinking. The radiation would kill you after you eat it."

~XxX~

"That mist have cost him an arm and a leg."

Near placed down the clear box holding diamonds taken from a suspect's apartment. Near looked at you with wide eyes.

"How did you know he sold body parts on the black market? It took me a week to figure that out. Honestly, how?"

You gave him the most obvious/'duh' look you could. He spent the rest of the night trying to think how you figured it out so quickly.

~XxX~

"It's Greek to me."

You leaned away from the encryption as Near studied you.

"But you speak and read Greek. You speak almost every language in the world."

"But not that."

The language was in truth, of Egyptian dialect.

"But you just said it was Greek."

~XxX~

The videos from Near's stake out were long, and rather basic. The usual.

"Cut to the chase, Near."

Instead of him telling you what this man meant in terms of the case, he showed you a video of said man chasing down his pet dog.

"I still don't know how you know these things."

You merely glanced at the detective across from you.

"Because I'm just awesome."

And with that, you went on to solve yet another case with his help. You needed a new partner. And soon. You were running out of painkillers for your ever multiplying headaches.


End file.
